KEVIN URGENT.

NIVEKERYAS YOU'D BETTER ACTUALLY READ THIS POST.
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SINK IT.

You Want a Piece of Me?

I know major influences in the life of a senior in high school are supposed to be responsible, positive leaders and role models for young adults, but an inspiration is different. Inspiration itself can be derived from an event, music, or a person. While I don’t think of her as my role model per se, Britney Spears has been my greatest inspiration and influence throughout the past four years. Considering everything that she’s done and been through (including her ups, cynic...), she’s a stronger person than I thought she was before I became interested in her. Not to go all “Chris Crocker”, but she went through a divorce, had two kids, and suffered a mental breakdown – all in the media spotlight. With her 2008 album Circus, she made a definite comeback as the Princess of Pop and I have to give her props for that.

What’s ironic about the whole situation is that when she controversially burst onto the music scene in 1998 with “…Baby One More Time” in the iconic Catholic school-girl uniform, my conservative parents never let me listen to her. They thought she’d be a bad role model for girls my age, and it didn’t help that I attended a private Christian school for several years; even today, I still wonder if they secretly believe I should shy away from her. No, I don’t want to sing and dance inappropriately for most of my life and have a messy divorce, but I wouldn’t mind being a pop star and dating Justin Timberlake.

After Britney’s embarrassing performance of “Gimme More” at the 2007 Video Music Awards, her album Blackout was released that October. My dad gave me an iTunes gift card for my birthday in November. I was curious about why everyone was making such a big deal about this crazy lady who shaved her head and “used to be” a superstar, so I purchased some of her more popular songs. My friends say it all went downhill from there, but I can’t help but laugh.

My favorite song and music video quickly became “Oops!…I Did It Again!” and I began dancing after studying the choreography, but I quickly realized that I wasn’t stellar. I never took actual dance classes and I was too embarrassed to ask either of my parents for them in case they inquired why, so I taught myself in my room with a large vanity mirror I unscrewed from my dresser. As lame as that might sound, I loved it. I would watch her music videos and pay close attention to the footwork and small details that would make it just right. I’d become frustrated when I couldn’t do certain steps while counting in my head and keeping in time with the music, but I slowly gained patience and a sense of balance –in more ways than one.

My friends laugh and joke about my “hero-worshipping” of Britney Spears and her music, even though it was something I was passionate about. So what if I was bad when I started out the first year? I never could’ve imagined that I’d be taking my Britney “fan-freak” role as seriously as I am now, and even the greatest were beginners once. Sometimes I can’t help but laugh at myself and think, “What have I gotten myself into?” whenever I perform, as seldom as it is. Even when I’m dancing at home, it’s something I find as a means of expression. When I’m furious and feel like shattering a mirror with my knuckles as the leading force, I dance with the music all the way up.  And of course, it’s to one of my favorite Britney songs. Of course, when I need to get rid of excess energy, I choose a song matched with intense choreography from one of Spears’ tours, which can lead to “interesting” situations for me.

When I’m going through a difficult time with school, friends, family, or on those rare occasions with oh... um... A BOY, I think of Britney Spears. She’s done more than just that and it was posted all over the world, yet she didn’t give up on music. She came back with an award-winning album and went a world tour. I know that sounds really weird, but it makes sense to me to look to her for inspiration. If she had the sense and courage to keep going when everyone doubted her and laughed in her face, then I can definitely deal with jokes like “not a bad dancer: just overly white”, because that’s what I love to do.

you take me the way i am.

The Way I Am

Ingrid Michaelson

Girls and Boys

If you were falling, then I would catch you.

You need a light, I'd find a match.

Cause I love the way you say good morning.

And you take me the way I am.

If you are chilly, here take my sweater.

Your head is aching, I'll make it better.

Cause I love the way you call me baby.

And you take me the way I am.

I'd buy you Rogaine when you start losing all your hair.

Sew on patches to all you tear.

Cause I love you more than I could ever promise.

And you take me the way I am.

You take me the way I am.

You take me the way I am.

At least I hope you do.

Because I'd do all these things for you.

More will be there when your every drum stick breaks.

I'd clear the area when you need some time and space.

Cause I love the way you smile at me.

And you take me the way I am.

That's so homosexual.

Last April there was a required assignment for all American Studies classes. National History Day projects were written and built by students who were researching a certain person in history and to prove that they were important. Students were allowed to have a choice person. I picked John Lennon and spent the next 45 days becoming an expert on The Walrus. I don’t know why I picked him; probably the fact that I listen to the Beatles non-stop. Or maybe it was the frustration built up over the years from people telling me I was born about 40 years too late. Either way, it didn’t matter. I did hate the amount of work that we had to put into the project, but it made me change my point of view about a lot of things. He was a strong advocate for peace and love, and I think that some of his ideas became my own.

I started to talk to people I normally wouldn’t notice. I made it a point to be kind to others. I tried to never start an argument and if I became involved in one, I tried to resolve it in the best interests of everyone involved. Over the summer I noticed that I had changed and thought, “Why do we have to be the way we are? Why can’t we all be nice to each other?” We were all brought up being told to “obey the Golden Rule”, but not everyone took that to heart. I didn’t see why I shouldn’t help someone clean up, or why I shouldn’t give someone a phone call when they were sad. I didn’t see a reason to do what I did except that I cared to make other people happy. Sometimes it becomes a problem, like when I became sick for several days recently. I obviously wanted to get better because I knew I’d have a bunch of makeup work to do, but I wanted to be there to help a group make decisions and do my part.

In late April a friend and I went to a concert, and while we were waiting she told me that our friend was gay. It came as a shock to me and at first I secretly hated him for it, but I’ve gradually accepted the fact that he is what he is and I shouldn’t treat him any differently. He was still my best friend and I thought that I shouldn’t dislike anyone because of something they can’t control. I began to think how much people are mistreated because of who they are, and why people treat others like dirt. Why is calling someone “gay” such an insult? You hear it in the halls, yet you don’t do anything about it either because you don’t really care that much or you’re afraid of what people might say.

Maybe you got a bad grade on a test and you said “This is so gay” to your friend. Maybe you called your friend a rude name because he dropped a Gatorade in the lunch line and your friends laugh and loudly exchange “insults” for a while. Maybe you’re the one who I turned and shouted at because you think it’s hilarious to make yourself look like a disrespectful jerk around classmates and teachers. So maybe you’ll think twice about doing something that could help someone. Why not go out of your way once in a while? Say “happy birthday” to a classmate you never talk to. Offer to put the groceries away for your mom. Treat others the way you want to be treated. You might be surprised at what can happen. I certainly was.

SUMMER 09

hey. so schools been out for only two weekdays and I'm already sort of bored, but I'm definitely looking forward to events coming up. Tomorrow we're having a bonfire-end-of-school-year-paper-burning party at Katie's. There's supposed to be about 10 people there, but I don't know if I'll stay the whole time, considering how they've been acting towards me lately. Or specifically, one of them, and 4 in general. Should be a fun time. I don't know what to do. The one person was slandering me on facebook chat and she wouldn't stop and one of my "best" friends didn't bother to stop her. In fact, she helped. I'm so lost. They all have the same lunch period together, and I have a different one, so I've missed out on a lot of the jokes that've gone around. But on the plus side I've gotten much closer to some of the juniors (now seniors) over the year in my lunch period.

Anyway, besides the bonfire, we're having a COTA bus adventure on Friday to OSU campus and hanging out there for the day. It'll be fabulous. Connor's excited about it, because I think it'll be his first time to OSU campus unrelated to classes or twirling. We still need to plan out what's going to happen then, but we're going to eat lunch at the oval, and be "hooligans" or whatever. Connor's bound to think of something crazy. Holly is coming with us and she'll find something to do, no doubt it'll be crazy and dangerous and hilarious, and mischievious.

Meh, I forgot I had this window open, and it's 1:07am. I need sleep....

11:11...*wish*

I believe that school sucks. A lot. And I like to change my font every new post. This is interesting. And after I noticed it was 11:11 I looked around for something red, but couldn't find any until it was 11:12.

11:12pmFelicity
11:11!
damn it.
11:12pmConnor
bwa ha ha ha
11:12pmFelicity
lol i saw it a minute ago and didn't see anything red AT ALL
11:13pmConnor
survival of the fittest
11:13pmFelicity
i should've died a long time ago.
it's a miracle i've lasted this long, but my creeper skillz have kept me ahead of the game.
11:14pmConnor
haahaha
11:14pmFelicity
i need sleep soooo bad

Anyway, Asian festival tomorrow with bandies! I'm excited! Except I only have like, $3 in change, which is my bus fare. We're going to eat dinner there, so I'll need to find $10 somewhere. I haven't been to it before, but it's supposed to be really good.

Today, I drank Kool-Aid. A giant pitcher of juice did not break into my home. MLIA.

I keep listening to the new Kelly Clarkson CD "All I Ever Wanted". It's sooo good. I bought it when it first came out, and I have to say that it's my favorite CD. Probably more than a Britney CD. Or it's tied with "Britney" or "Oops!...I Did It Again!". It's hard to tell. Every song on it is absolutely fantastic, especially "My Life Would Suck Without You", "All I Ever Wanted", "Already Gone", "If I Can't Have You", and "Save You". It's a great CD for driving around with the windows rolled down with a friend. Just get it and listen to it's fabulousness.

for kevin

STOP BEING A CREEPER!!!!

first blog. squad leader auditions. stress. procrastination.

So...I don't really know what I'm supposed to do with blogs. Maybe I'll pretend they're diary entries, except people can read them. Meh. My therapist says that I should write stuff down before I go to bed so I don't ruminate about my problems and stress. Like how I always think about what homework I didn't do that day, or what I have to do tomorrow, and sometimes randomly stuff that I did a long time ago and shouldn't matter now, but I still feel bad about it or whatever. Kara's pretty cool, and I trust her. She actually listens to me and knows what I should do, even though the result might not be good, it's good for me to do it and get it out of my head. Like how I wrote a letter to a friend a few weeks ago explaining a lot of stuff that's happened in the past 2 years and how I might've just fallen in love with him along the way and I wish I hadn't, because I just want to be friends, but it's getting in the way. So I pretty much confessed to him that I kinda like him a lot more than I'd like *ha irony*. He told me then a secret indirectly by means of our best friend at the Britney Spears concert and I had a panic attack. You know, it wasn't such a huge secret for a normal person, and most people basically guessed it, but I didn't know. I feel like a major dork. And now I just realized that I have to type up an outline for my English final due tomorrow. They're loading us with so much busy work but we only have 8 days of actual school, then 3 of exams. Fun stuff. We have to turn in our second optional draft for our English final on Friday and it was assigned today (Tuesday) and we have something due every day this week, like a mini-paper. I can feel the stress coming back on. I procrastinated for the past 3-4 hours watching an episode of Grey's Anatomy and starting this, and editing my itunes. Great. I have marching band auditions this week. We had to memorize our fight song for today and play it individually. I hit every note but the tone towards the end was a little shakey and I even said "Ew" when I was done. Tomorrow morning are our actual marching auditions where we have to march some number of 8ths forwards, 4 different turns, show high leg lift (which I haven't practiced much), do instrument ups and downs, and I think on Thursday or Friday have our parade song memorized. We got it yesterday. This is so stressful. I feel like I can't practice here because my dad doesn't really like it when I play. A flute can hurt someone's ears. It especially bothers my cat, which we adopted from our band director in October. 7 months later she doesn't really have a name still. We just call her "Cat".